8.10.10

Kansas Rehab Center for the Blind (RCB) What a nightmare!!!! *some strong language*

This started the night prior to my intake interview with Voc. Rehab servicesI thought back on my previous dealings with them. More to the point when I was first a client of VR whilst still in high school.

At that time I didn't have the balls or self respect or anything to tell them what I wanted for myself in my life.

I had a horrid caseworker. Just Gawd awful. So scandeless I mean really you'd hardly could believe she was real. She was, I guess still is... When I went to RCB in 2002 she was the overseer of the whole shootin match up there Topeka way. That did not go well because she, if I remember correctly, tried running things *HER* way and that wasn't working. I'm not fresh on the details any longer but can look them up as they are all on line.

That whole effing place was just screwed up. When they lied to me at my last stafing, saying how well I was doing etc and how everyone wanted to see me back, that was an effing lie! The head ass hats had already placed a call and my dad was on his way up to get me. I was the subject of the morning staffing. Not even 72 hours prior I was made to sign a behavior contract. They didn't even give me a feckin chance and fecken lied their collective asses off saying I had not followed through with my agreement with GDB to phone in weekly and update AGS on how Fleming was doing. I had been faithfully. Started out going in on Mondays and phoneing from the office, but AGS person and I felt like things were going so well that I could just phone in any time I wanted. So I did. IDK if AGS still has it all on record but I held up my end of the bargon and GDB knows this. Anyway. That last full day I was there I had a staffing. This is where all the instructors get together and all but a honest few blow sunshine up VR's and my asses. Said stuff like I'm doing really good. I should come back and pear teach blah blah blah.

That next morning they were late coming in for morning cell check. oops! I mean morning meeting, my bad. Those bastards! Waited until all my friends that went to college were gone and everyone else was in the classes at the center. Fucking rat bastards! Big Eva, Frau stupidhead's right hand SS officer, oops I mean the director of studetnt services and the counsler... Called me in. They told me I was being kicked out because I made some people uncomfortible with my outspoken ideas on how, this being a client centered program and all, how the clients should come together and demand change. Demand to be treated like people who just can't see for crap. to speak out on stupid as eff rules. No cooking in the apartments when just a few months ago it was not only allowed but encouraged. Demeaning childish rules. Bed time at nine male and female clients forbiden to sit on the borch of residentual apartment block... Never mind the effing R.A.'s office was in clear view. What did they think we would do? Shoot up smack and have wild sex orgies or something? Or maybe we'd start off scrfycing small anamials and progress to vergens? F I don't know. Really I don't.

They treated us like we were stupid. Let me tell you... I could tell you so many things it would make your head spin. Well mid summer these grown ass ladies came in. They weren't allowed past the porch directly in front of the R.A.'s office and were housed there. They couldn't step out the door wthout an R.A. There was another client who would self harm and it was documented that they needed to be under supervision at all times. Did this happen? Hell no. Not only was she unsupervised she and another girl were moved to another apartment block a ways off and not in view of the R.A. office. This person ended up having to go into the mental hospital because of self harming again. Friggen RCB is lucky that client didn't die. If I were the client's family I'd of taken that bunch of crooks to the cleaners. Eff that man!… That isn’t even scratching the surface.

All I wanted to do, really is bring the clients together who had been expressing feelings about the treatment, rules blah blah blah and unite as a voice for change. Nobody wanted to bring any of this up on the day we had client council, biggest offing joke in the world, meetings because we’d all be poo pooed or talked back down or anything to get us to shut up.

OOO! If something like canned juice was out in the lunch room freezer we had to write an offing proposal to buy more!

One day we were held back because the staff had said too many people were tossing their lunch out uneaten. Who the eff! digs through the garbage to see if stuff is being eaten or not? That might explain why that place was such a befogged mentally effed up place Don’t have time to watch over documented self harmer because too damned busy digging in the offing trash to see what they could see.
There was the can crusher thing. They demanded we crush all of our soda cans in this scary as fuck could takee your arm off if you weren’t mindful crusher thing. No one did it. Maybe if the money gleamed from the collection of cans was used to… O IDK make the client life better we would but this was just making money for the center, probily putting dollars in rich cat’s pockets. That buew shit man I mean fo sure.

Not everyone who worked there was bad. The teachers that seemed to be the most human and understanding, with the acceptation of the first student counser who was sighted but losing vision. She was made of awesome. When they got far stupid head in there though everything went to crap. Come to think of it y’know? The overseer of the asylum, er uh. I mean rehab center and the counser who effed everything up were both case managers of my V.R. case. Any wonder I have a dislike for supposed to be authority figures? Anyway. So there I was getting kicked out. Oh! wait let me explain that we were trying to go underground so to say because if any admin/staff got wind that we clients were going aunmass to something after class they’d just happen along and just so happen to sit within earshot of wherever it was we were sitting. Effing lame.

Well tried to keep this on the down low so maybe we could allowed to think and share our thoughts openly. I wanted people to say what they liked about the program and what needed changing. It wasn’t all back. If people didn’t want to take part that was cool everyone should be respected for his or her thoughts and feelings etc.

Well so there I was kicked out. After I got home I got a few Emails from some of my instructors to say what had happened with me was effed up and that they were more or less bullied into going along with ejecting me from the program. Well fuck that. Sorry but yeah. What the eff ever…

Also the sighted employees got stuff like keys to the building but when blind teachers wanted to use the training center after hours they had to have a sighted person open the doors for them as they did not get keys.

What an offing joke! Anyway this has brought me back round to my point, and I do have one…

Back in high school my V.R. worker was who the director over the whole RCB in 2002. Get it? Hope so.

She was very huh. Closed minded on a lot of things. Her way or the high way more or less. And this would be the first time but not the last I’d catch her in an out right lie just because she didn’t like the employment I was wanting to try.

I said simply I wanted to work with and train service, not guide, dogs and their handlers… She just went off on that saying it wasn’t realistic, doesn’t make a lot of money, no blind people are doing it. blah blah ba blah. Whatever.

Then she picked up her phone, she knew I could see but not how well I guess. And talked on it and then hung up and said she had called the nearest service dog provider, KSDS in Washington Ks and they had told her that blind people can’t train service animals.

Picture my shock when I went to visit the training HQ in person. I asked all about training service animals an they said it could be done and denied ever speacking to that case worker.

Now… Here is where my thoughtscome in. See? I told you. A point. I have one?

Was thinking back to all that and realized something. Rather than taking control of my life and future and doing what would make me happy, not rich but happy I just rolled over and let other people say what I can do. Well eff that man. If I haven’t learned anything else from this whole stupid befogged mess that has gone on from March it is that I can do whatever the hell I want and if people don’t like it then screw them. They ain’t shit. They’s always gonna be some one doubting you, SRS at first, some stupid narrow-minded v.r. person, partner who never was supportive of much. And if you let those stupid P.O.S. people tell you do this don’t do that you’ll just stay stuck and unhappy and life will pass you right by.

There is no reason a dream can’t be realized. It might seem impossible but I truly think anything one wants can be done… Unless you’re blind and want to do brain operations, though who knows? Those days may be upon us sooner than we think

When the kids got taken away, one of the first things I was told is that in cases such as mine the children would be in foster care for at minim of a month and that cases like these don’t get resolved for a year or longer…

I thought to myself “Fuck that! Just uh whatever. a year or more my eye.”

I made a resolve right there and then sitting on the easychair of my friend, just hours after the rade, still sobbing and numb. I said. “No matter what I have to do. No matter what I am told, no matter where I have to go, regardless of how much b.s. I may have to put up with. I sware to God in heaven and everything on earth I will have my kids placed back with me by Skye’s 4th Birthday, and will have full custody by Christmas. I’m not letting my babies who have already been through so much languish away in the foster care/srs system.

You know? There are good foster homes out there but more often than not there are hell holes. So the children get taken away for abuse, physical, sex, whatever and placed in foster care where they are ment to be safe but I’ve heard stories about foster homes being just as bad if not worse than whatever home life the children had been removed from.

Despite the fact the investigator lady frightened the crap out of me I told myself SRS is not the enemy yet. Just stay cool. You have nothing to hide at all. You know you’re right and God knows it too and truth will win out over lies.

I busted my ass first by requesting that the kids get services, cought up on their health needs, shots etc. That they both have counseling and an education/develpomental work up.

I already suspected Benji was behind where he should be, especially in the communicating of things. so even before the workup was done I had already looked into services down here who might be able to help. I found parenting classes online and contacted the instructor to see what exactly I needed to do to get in. I found therps both up in KCK and here. I looked at possible housing options incase I was not allowed to live in the same home as my kids. I looked into what services for me, home helper, etc I could find. I talked to my friends and family daily and they started looking at things I might need when I came home.

I was in contact with the children’s caseworker many times a week if not daily. I kept her in the loop and was always asking what can I do to help you help my kids. About three weeks into this whole mess I had already joined a support group for mothers who’s’ kids had been taken into care. Started parenting classes and a lot of other stuff. My lawyer and the kids lawyer and the kids caseworker all said that I got more done in the first three weeks of this thing than a lot of people do in six months.

Everybody ha just been super impressed with my aggressiveness in fighting for my kids. Even the judge who didn’t seem like the complementing kind.

I don’t think it is all that super impressive. It’s just the right thing to do. I’ve said this time and time again, when you have kids, you give your life for those kids. To do anything less is just not even thinkable to my way of thinking.

Those are my kids and whilst we might have to use medical card, foodstamps and… ther such services, it is up to me to provide for them. I hope in time I’ll be able to reduce the amount of public support me and my kids need Which brings me back round to what I started out to say…

If I want to end up someday working for GDB I have to make it happen. I have to find out several things, what jobs are open, what must you do in the job etc. hen I guess whatever I find out I’ll start addressing here. I have to figure transport and living. Surely GDB pays enough to their emploies because they all live right there in San Rafael o suburbs or watt ever. We stilll may need social services and all so that must be checked out as well. I am not moving any time soon but sooner or later I think that’s where I’d like to be. San Fran is my favoritee place in the world and GDB every time I go there makes me feel worthy. I’m doing things I enjoy and am quite good at. I like to learn and be shown how to do things. All I want is a chance. So long term I have to break things down from point a to z and go at it systematically because I really do think it can be done and there isn’t a reason in the world why I can’t try. I’m going to be quite honest with V.R. this time and insist that my thoughts be taken as light. I’ll work with them like I’ve This started the night prior to my intake interview with Voc. Rehab servicesI thought back on my previous dealings with them. More to the point when I was first a client of VR whilst still in high school.

At that time I didn't have the balls or self respect or anything to tell them what I wanted for myself in my life.

I had a horrid caseworker. Just Gawd awful. So scandeless I mean really you'd hardly could believe she was real. She was, I guess still is... When I went to RCB in 2002 she was the overseer of the whole shootin match up there Topeka way. That did not go well because she, if I remember correctly, tried running things *HER* way and that wasn't working. I'm not fresh on the details any longer but can look them up as they are all on line.

That whole effing place was just screwed up. When they lied to me at my last stafing, saying how well I was doing etc and how everyone wanted to see me back, that was an effing lie! The head ass hats had already placed a call and my dad was on his way up to get me. I was the subject of the morning staffing. Not even 72 hours prior I was made to sign a behavior contract. They didn't even give me a feckin chance and fecken lied their collective asses off saying I had not followed through with my agreement with GDB to phone in weekly and update AGS on how Fleming was doing. I had been faithfully. Started out going in on Mondays and phoneing from the office, but AGS person and I felt like things were going so well that I could just phone in any time I wanted. So I did. IDK if AGS still has it all on record but I held up my end of the bargon and GDB knows this. Anyway. That last full day I was there I had a staffing. This is where all the instructors get together and all but a honest few blow sunshine up VR's and my asses. Said stuff like I'm doing really good. I should come back and pear teach blah blah blah.

That next morning they were late coming in for morning cell check. oops! I mean morning meeting, my bad. Those bastards! Waited until all my friends that went to college were gone and everyone else was in the classes at the center. Fucking rat bastards! Big Eva, Frau stupidhead's right hand SS officer, oops I mean the director of studetnt services and the counsler... Called me in. They told me I was being kicked out because I made some people uncomfortible with my outspoken ideas on how, this being a client centered program and all, how the clients should come together and demand change. Demand to be treated like people who just can't see for crap. to speak out on stupid as eff rules. No cooking in the apartments when just a few months ago it was not only allowed but encouraged. Demeaning childish rules. Bed time at nine male and female clients forbiden to sit on the borch of residentual apartment block... Never mind the effing R.A.'s office was in clear view. What did they think we would do? Shoot up smack and have wild sex orgies or something? Or maybe we'd start off scrfycing small anamials and progress to vergens? F I don't know. Really I don't.

They treated us like we were stupid. Let me tell you... I could tell you so many things it would make your head spin. Well mid summer these grown ass ladies came in. They weren't allowed past the porch directly in front of the R.A.'s office and were housed there. They couldn't step out the door wthout an R.A. There was another client who would self harm and it was documented that they needed to be under supervision at all times. Did this happen? Hell no. Not only was she unsupervised she and another girl were moved to another apartment block a ways off and not in view of the R.A. office. This person ended up having to go into the mental hospital because of self harming again. Friggen RCB is lucky that client didn't die. If I were the client's family I'd of taken that bunch of crooks to the cleaners. Eff that man!… That isn’t even scratching the surface.

All I wanted to do, really is bring the clients together who had been expressing feelings about the treatment, rules blah blah blah and unite as a voice for change. Nobody wanted to bring any of this up on the day we had client council, biggest offing joke in the world, meetings because we’d all be poo pooed or talked back down or anything to get us to shut up.

OOO! If something like canned juice was out in the lunch room freezer we had to write an offing proposal to buy more!

One day we were held back because the staff had said too many people were tossing their lunch out uneaten. Who the eff! digs through the garbage to see if stuff is being eaten or not? That might explain why that place was such a befogged mentally effed up place Don’t have time to watch over documented self harmer because too damned busy digging in the offing trash to see what they could see.
There was the can crusher thing. They demanded we crush all of our soda cans in this scary as fuck could takee your arm off if you weren’t mindful crusher thing. No one did it. Maybe if the money gleamed from the collection of cans was used to… O IDK make the client life better we would but this was just making money for the center, probily putting dollars in rich cat’s pockets. That buew shit man I mean fo sure.

Not everyone who worked there was bad. The teachers that seemed to be the most human and understanding, with the acceptation of the first student counser who was sighted but losing vision. She was made of awesome. When they got far stupid head in there though everything went to crap. Come to think of it y’know? The overseer of the asylum, er uh. I mean rehab center and the counser who effed everything up were both case managers of my V.R. case. Any wonder I have a dislike for supposed to be authority figures? Anyway. So there I was getting kicked out. Oh! wait let me explain that we were trying to go underground so to say because if any admin/staff got wind that we clients were going aunmass to something after class they’d just happen along and just so happen to sit within earshot of wherever it was we were sitting. Effing lame.

Well tried to keep this on the down low so maybe we could allowed to think and share our thoughts openly. I wanted people to say what they liked about the program and what needed changing. It wasn’t all back. If people didn’t want to take part that was cool everyone should be respected for his or her thoughts and feelings etc.

Well so there I was kicked out. After I got home I got a few Emails from some of my instructors to say what had happened with me was effed up and that they were more or less bullied into going along with ejecting me from the program. Well fuck that. Sorry but yeah. What the eff ever…

Also the sighted employees got stuff like keys to the building but when blind teachers wanted to use the training center after hours they had to have a sighted person open the doors for them as they did not get keys.

What an offing joke! Anyway this has brought me back round to my point, and I do have one…

Back in high school my V.R. worker was who the director over the whole RCB in 2002. Get it? Hope so.

She was very huh. Closed minded on a lot of things. Her way or the high way more or less. And this would be the first time but not the last I’d catch her in an out right lie just because she didn’t like the employment I was wanting to try.

I said simply I wanted to work with and train service, not guide, dogs and their handlers… She just went off on that saying it wasn’t realistic, doesn’t make a lot of money, no blind people are doing it. blah blah ba blah. Whatever.

Then she picked up her phone, she knew I could see but not how well I guess. And talked on it and then hung up and said she had called the nearest service dog provider, KSDS in Washington Ks and they had told her that blind people can’t train service animals.

Picture my shock when I went to visit the training HQ in person. I asked all about training service animals an they said it could be done and denied ever speacking to that case worker.

Now… Here is where my thoughtscome in. See? I told you. A point. I have one?

Was thinking back to all that and realized something. Rather than taking control of my life and future and doing what would make me happy, not rich but happy I just rolled over and let other people say what I can do. Well eff that man. If I haven’t learned anything else from this whole stupid befogged mess that has gone on from March it is that I can do whatever the hell I want and if people don’t like it then screw them. They ain’t shit. They’s always gonna be some one doubting you, SRS at first, some stupid narrow-minded v.r. person, partner who never was supportive of much. And if you let those stupid P.O.S. people tell you do this don’t do that you’ll just stay stuck and unhappy and life will pass you right by.

There is no reason a dream can’t be realized. It might seem impossible but I truly think anything one wants can be done… Unless you’re blind and want to do brain operations, though who knows? Those days may be upon us sooner than we think

When the kids got taken away, one of the first things I was told is that in cases such as mine the children would be in foster care for at minim of a month and that cases like these don’t get resolved for a year or longer…

I thought to myself “Fuck that! Just uh whatever. a year or more my eye.”

I made a resolve right there and then sitting on the easychair of my friend, just hours after the rade, still sobbing and numb. I said. “No matter what I have to do. No matter what I am told, no matter where I have to go, regardless of how much b.s. I may have to put up with. I sware to God in heaven and everything on earth I will have my kids placed back with me by Skye’s 4th Birthday, and will have full custody by Christmas. I’m not letting my babies who have already been through so much languish away in the foster care/srs system.

You know? There are good foster homes out there but more often than not there are hell holes. So the children get taken away for abuse, physical, sex, whatever and placed in foster care where they are ment to be safe but I’ve heard stories about foster homes being just as bad if not worse than whatever home life the children had been removed from.

Despite the fact the investigator lady frightened the crap out of me I told myself SRS is not the enemy yet. Just stay cool. You have nothing to hide at all. You know you’re right and God knows it too and truth will win out over lies.

I busted my ass first by requesting that the kids get services, cought up on their health needs, shots etc. That they both have counseling and an education/develpomental work up.

I already suspected Benji was behind where he should be, especially in the communicating of things. so even before the workup was done I had already looked into services down here who might be able to help. I found parenting classes online and contacted the instructor to see what exactly I needed to do to get in. I found therps both up in KCK and here. I looked at possible housing options incase I was not allowed to live in the same home as my kids. I looked into what services for me, home helper, etc I could find. I talked to my friends and family daily and they started looking at things I might need when I came home.

I was in contact with the children’s caseworker many times a week if not daily. I kept her in the loop and was always asking what can I do to help you help my kids. About three weeks into this whole mess I had already joined a support group for mothers who’s’ kids had been taken into care. Started parenting classes and a lot of other stuff. My lawyer and the kids lawyer and the kids caseworker all said that I got more done in the first three weeks of this thing than a lot of people do in six months.

Everybody ha just been super impressed with my aggressiveness in fighting for my kids. Even the judge who didn’t seem like the complementing kind.

I don’t think it is all that super impressive. It’s just the right thing to do. I’ve said this time and time again, when you have kids, you give your life for those kids. To do anything less is just not even thinkable to my way of thinking.

Those are my kids and whilst we might have to use medical card, foodstamps and… ther such services, it is up to me to provide for them. I hope in time I’ll be able to reduce the amount of public support me and my kids need Which brings me back round to what I started out to say…

If I want to end up someday working for GDB I have to make it happen. I have to find out several things, what jobs are open, what must you do in the job etc. hen I guess whatever I find out I’ll start addressing here. I have to figure transport and living. Surely GDB pays enough to their emploies because they all live right there in San Rafael o suburbs or watt ever. We stilll may need social services and all so that must be checked out as well. I am not moving any time soon but sooner or later I think that’s where I’d like to be. San Fran is my favoritee place in the world and GDB every time I go there makes me feel worthy. I’m doing things I enjoy and am quite good at. I like to learn and be shown how to do things. All I want is a chance. So long term I have to break things down from point a to z and go at it systematically because I really do think it can be done and there isn’t a reason in the world why I can’t try. I’m going to be quite honest with V.R. this time and insist that my thoughts be taken as light. I’ll work with them like I’ve This started the night prior to my intake interview with Voc. Rehab servicesI thought back on my previous dealings with them. More to the point when I was first a client of VR whilst still in high school.

At that time I didn't have the balls or self respect or anything to tell them what I wanted for myself in my life.

I had a horrid caseworker. Just Gawd awful. So scandeless I mean really you'd hardly could believe she was real. She was, I guess still is... When I went to RCB in 2002 she was the overseer of the whole shootin match up there Topeka way. That did not go well because she, if I remember correctly, tried running things *HER* way and that wasn't working. I'm not fresh on the details any longer but can look them up as they are all on line.

That whole effing place was just screwed up. When they lied to me at my last stafing, saying how well I was doing etc and how everyone wanted to see me back, that was an effing lie! The head ass hats had already placed a call and my dad was on his way up to get me. I was the subject of the morning staffing. Not even 72 hours prior I was made to sign a behavior contract. They didn't even give me a feckin chance and fecken lied their collective asses off saying I had not followed through with my agreement with GDB to phone in weekly and update AGS on how Fleming was doing. I had been faithfully. Started out going in on Mondays and phoneing from the office, but AGS person and I felt like things were going so well that I could just phone in any time I wanted. So I did. IDK if AGS still has it all on record but I held up my end of the bargon and GDB knows this. Anyway. That last full day I was there I had a staffing. This is where all the instructors get together and all but a honest few blow sunshine up VR's and my asses. Said stuff like I'm doing really good. I should come back and pear teach blah blah blah.

That next morning they were late coming in for morning cell check. oops! I mean morning meeting, my bad. Those bastards! Waited until all my friends that went to college were gone and everyone else was in the classes at the center. Fucking rat bastards! Big Eva, Frau stupidhead's right hand SS officer, oops I mean the director of studetnt services and the counsler... Called me in. They told me I was being kicked out because I made some people uncomfortible with my outspoken ideas on how, this being a client centered program and all, how the clients should come together and demand change. Demand to be treated like people who just can't see for crap. to speak out on stupid as eff rules. No cooking in the apartments when just a few months ago it was not only allowed but encouraged. Demeaning childish rules. Bed time at nine male and female clients forbiden to sit on the borch of residentual apartment block... Never mind the effing R.A.'s office was in clear view. What did they think we would do? Shoot up smack and have wild sex orgies or something? Or maybe we'd start off scrfycing small anamials and progress to vergens? F I don't know. Really I don't.

They treated us like we were stupid. Let me tell you... I could tell you so many things it would make your head spin. Well mid summer these grown ass ladies came in. They weren't allowed past the porch directly in front of the R.A.'s office and were housed there. They couldn't step out the door wthout an R.A. There was another client who would self harm and it was documented that they needed to be under supervision at all times. Did this happen? Hell no. Not only was she unsupervised she and another girl were moved to another apartment block a ways off and not in view of the R.A. office. This person ended up having to go into the mental hospital because of self harming again. Friggen RCB is lucky that client didn't die. If I were the client's family I'd of taken that bunch of crooks to the cleaners. Eff that man!… That isn’t even scratching the surface.

All I wanted to do, really is bring the clients together who had been expressing feelings about the treatment, rules blah blah blah and unite as a voice for change. Nobody wanted to bring any of this up on the day we had client council, biggest offing joke in the world, meetings because we’d all be poo pooed or talked back down or anything to get us to shut up.

OOO! If something like canned juice was out in the lunch room freezer we had to write an offing proposal to buy more!

One day we were held back because the staff had said too many people were tossing their lunch out uneaten. Who the eff! digs through the garbage to see if stuff is being eaten or not? That might explain why that place was such a befogged mentally effed up place Don’t have time to watch over documented self harmer because too damned busy digging in the offing trash to see what they could see.
There was the can crusher thing. They demanded we crush all of our soda cans in this scary as fuck could takee your arm off if you weren’t mindful crusher thing. No one did it. Maybe if the money gleamed from the collection of cans was used to… O IDK make the client life better we would but this was just making money for the center, probily putting dollars in rich cat’s pockets. That buew shit man I mean fo sure.

Not everyone who worked there was bad. The teachers that seemed to be the most human and understanding, with the acceptation of the first student counser who was sighted but losing vision. She was made of awesome. When they got far stupid head in there though everything went to crap. Come to think of it y’know? The overseer of the asylum, er uh. I mean rehab center and the counser who effed everything up were both case managers of my V.R. case. Any wonder I have a dislike for supposed to be authority figures? Anyway. So there I was getting kicked out. Oh! wait let me explain that we were trying to go underground so to say because if any admin/staff got wind that we clients were going aunmass to something after class they’d just happen along and just so happen to sit within earshot of wherever it was we were sitting. Effing lame.

Well tried to keep this on the down low so maybe we could allowed to think and share our thoughts openly. I wanted people to say what they liked about the program and what needed changing. It wasn’t all back. If people didn’t want to take part that was cool everyone should be respected for his or her thoughts and feelings etc.

Well so there I was kicked out. After I got home I got a few Emails from some of my instructors to say what had happened with me was effed up and that they were more or less bullied into going along with ejecting me from the program. Well fuck that. Sorry but yeah. What the eff ever…

Also the sighted employees got stuff like keys to the building but when blind teachers wanted to use the training center after hours they had to have a sighted person open the doors for them as they did not get keys.

What an offing joke! Anyway this has brought me back round to my point, and I do have one…

Back in high school my V.R. worker was who the director over the whole RCB in 2002. Get it? Hope so.

She was very huh. Closed minded on a lot of things. Her way or the high way more or less. And this would be the first time but not the last I’d catch her in an out right lie just because she didn’t like the employment I was wanting to try.

I said simply I wanted to work with and train service, not guide, dogs and their handlers… She just went off on that saying it wasn’t realistic, doesn’t make a lot of money, no blind people are doing it. blah blah ba blah. Whatever.

Then she picked up her phone, she knew I could see but not how well I guess. And talked on it and then hung up and said she had called the nearest service dog provider, KSDS in Washington Ks and they had told her that blind people can’t train service animals.

Picture my shock when I went to visit the training HQ in person. I asked all about training service animals an they said it could be done and denied ever speacking to that case worker.

Now… Here is where my thoughtscome in. See? I told you. A point. I have one?

Was thinking back to all that and realized something. Rather than taking control of my life and future and doing what would make me happy, not rich but happy I just rolled over and let other people say what I can do. Well eff that man. If I haven’t learned anything else from this whole stupid befogged mess that has gone on from March it is that I can do whatever the hell I want and if people don’t like it then screw them. They ain’t shit. They’s always gonna be some one doubting you, SRS at first, some stupid narrow-minded v.r. person, partner who never was supportive of much. And if you let those stupid P.O.S. people tell you do this don’t do that you’ll just stay stuck and unhappy and life will pass you right by.

There is no reason a dream can’t be realized. It might seem impossible but I truly think anything one wants can be done… Unless you’re blind and want to do brain operations, though who knows? Those days may be upon us sooner than we think

When the kids got taken away, one of the first things I was told is that in cases such as mine the children would be in foster care for at minim of a month and that cases like these don’t get resolved for a year or longer…

I thought to myself “Fuck that! Just uh whatever. a year or more my eye.”

I made a resolve right there and then sitting on the easychair of my friend, just hours after the rade, still sobbing and numb. I said. “No matter what I have to do. No matter what I am told, no matter where I have to go, regardless of how much b.s. I may have to put up with. I sware to God in heaven and everything on earth I will have my kids placed back with me by Skye’s 4th Birthday, and will have full custody by Christmas. I’m not letting my babies who have already been through so much languish away in the foster care/srs system.

You know? There are good foster homes out there but more often than not there are hell holes. So the children get taken away for abuse, physical, sex, whatever and placed in foster care where they are ment to be safe but I’ve heard stories about foster homes being just as bad if not worse than whatever home life the children had been removed from.

Despite the fact the investigator lady frightened the crap out of me I told myself SRS is not the enemy yet. Just stay cool. You have nothing to hide at all. You know you’re right and God knows it too and truth will win out over lies.

I busted my ass first by requesting that the kids get services, cought up on their health needs, shots etc. That they both have counseling and an education/develpomental work up.

I already suspected Benji was behind where he should be, especially in the communicating of things. so even before the workup was done I had already looked into services down here who might be able to help. I found parenting classes online and contacted the instructor to see what exactly I needed to do to get in. I found therps both up in KCK and here. I looked at possible housing options incase I was not allowed to live in the same home as my kids. I looked into what services for me, home helper, etc I could find. I talked to my friends and family daily and they started looking at things I might need when I came home.

I was in contact with the children’s caseworker many times a week if not daily. I kept her in the loop and was always asking what can I do to help you help my kids. About three weeks into this whole mess I had already joined a support group for mothers who’s’ kids had been taken into care. Started parenting classes and a lot of other stuff. My lawyer and the kids lawyer and the kids caseworker all said that I got more done in the first three weeks of this thing than a lot of people do in six months.

Everybody ha just been super impressed with my aggressiveness in fighting for my kids. Even the judge who didn’t seem like the complementing kind.

I don’t think it is all that super impressive. It’s just the right thing to do. I’ve said this time and time again, when you have kids, you give your life for those kids. To do anything less is just not even thinkable to my way of thinking.

Those are my kids and whilst we might have to use medical card, foodstamps and… ther such services, it is up to me to provide for them. I hope in time I’ll be able to reduce the amount of public support me and my kids need Which brings me back round to what I started out to say…

If I want to end up someday working for GDB I have to make it happen. I have to find out several things, what jobs are open, what must you do in the job etc. hen I guess whatever I find out I’ll start addressing here. I have to figure transport and living. Surely GDB pays enough to their emploies because they all live right there in San Rafael o suburbs or watt ever. We stilll may need social services and all so that must be checked out as well. I am not moving any time soon but sooner or later I think that’s where I’d like to be. San Fran is my favoritee place in the world and GDB every time I go there makes me feel worthy. I’m doing things I enjoy and am quite good at. I like to learn and be shown how to do things. All I want is a chance. So long term I have to break things down from point a to z and go at it systematically because I really do think it can be done and there isn’t a reason in the world why I can’t try. I’m going to be quite honest with V.R. this time and insist that my thoughts be taken as light. I’ll work with them like I’ve This started the night prior to my intake interview with Voc. Rehab servicesI thought back on my previous dealings with them. More to the point when I was first a client of VR whilst still in high school.

At that time I didn't have the balls or self respect or anything to tell them what I wanted for myself in my life.

I had a horrid caseworker. Just Gawd awful. So scandeless I mean really you'd hardly could believe she was real. She was, I guess still is... When I went to RCB in 2002 she was the overseer of the whole shootin match up there Topeka way. That did not go well because she, if I remember correctly, tried running things *HER* way and that wasn't working. I'm not fresh on the details any longer but can look them up as they are all on line.

That whole effing place was just screwed up. When they lied to me at my last stafing, saying how well I was doing etc and how everyone wanted to see me back, that was an effing lie! The head ass hats had already placed a call and my dad was on his way up to get me. I was the subject of the morning staffing. Not even 72 hours prior I was made to sign a behavior contract. They didn't even give me a feckin chance and fecken lied their collective asses off saying I had not followed through with my agreement with GDB to phone in weekly and update AGS on how Fleming was doing. I had been faithfully. Started out going in on Mondays and phoneing from the office, but AGS person and I felt like things were going so well that I could just phone in any time I wanted. So I did. IDK if AGS still has it all on record but I held up my end of the bargon and GDB knows this. Anyway. That last full day I was there I had a staffing. This is where all the instructors get together and all but a honest few blow sunshine up VR's and my asses. Said stuff like I'm doing really good. I should come back and pear teach blah blah blah.

That next morning they were late coming in for morning cell check. oops! I mean morning meeting, my bad. Those bastards! Waited until all my friends that went to college were gone and everyone else was in the classes at the center. Fucking rat bastards! Big Eva, Frau stupidhead's right hand SS officer, oops I mean the director of studetnt services and the counsler... Called me in. They told me I was being kicked out because I made some people uncomfortible with my outspoken ideas on how, this being a client centered program and all, how the clients should come together and demand change. Demand to be treated like people who just can't see for crap. to speak out on stupid as eff rules. No cooking in the apartments when just a few months ago it was not only allowed but encouraged. Demeaning childish rules. Bed time at nine male and female clients forbiden to sit on the borch of residentual apartment block... Never mind the effing R.A.'s office was in clear view. What did they think we would do? Shoot up smack and have wild sex orgies or something? Or maybe we'd start off scrfycing small anamials and progress to vergens? F I don't know. Really I don't.

They treated us like we were stupid. Let me tell you... I could tell you so many things it would make your head spin. Well mid summer these grown ass ladies came in. They weren't allowed past the porch directly in front of the R.A.'s office and were housed there. They couldn't step out the door wthout an R.A. There was another client who would self harm and it was documented that they needed to be under supervision at all times. Did this happen? Hell no. Not only was she unsupervised she and another girl were moved to another apartment block a ways off and not in view of the R.A. office. This person ended up having to go into the mental hospital because of self harming again. Friggen RCB is lucky that client didn't die. If I were the client's family I'd of taken that bunch of crooks to the cleaners. Eff that man!… That isn’t even scratching the surface.

All I wanted to do, really is bring the clients together who had been expressing feelings about the treatment, rules blah blah blah and unite as a voice for change. Nobody wanted to bring any of this up on the day we had client council, biggest offing joke in the world, meetings because we’d all be poo pooed or talked back down or anything to get us to shut up.

OOO! If something like canned juice was out in the lunch room freezer we had to write an offing proposal to buy more!

One day we were held back because the staff had said too many people were tossing their lunch out uneaten. Who the eff! digs through the garbage to see if stuff is being eaten or not? That might explain why that place was such a befogged mentally effed up place Don’t have time to watch over documented self harmer because too damned busy digging in the offing trash to see what they could see.
There was the can crusher thing. They demanded we crush all of our soda cans in this scary as fuck could takee your arm off if you weren’t mindful crusher thing. No one did it. Maybe if the money gleamed from the collection of cans was used to… O IDK make the client life better we would but this was just making money for the center, probily putting dollars in rich cat’s pockets. That buew shit man I mean fo sure.

Not everyone who worked there was bad. The teachers that seemed to be the most human and understanding, with the acceptation of the first student counser who was sighted but losing vision. She was made of awesome. When they got far stupid head in there though everything went to crap. Come to think of it y’know? The overseer of the asylum, er uh. I mean rehab center and the counser who effed everything up were both case managers of my V.R. case. Any wonder I have a dislike for supposed to be authority figures? Anyway. So there I was getting kicked out. Oh! wait let me explain that we were trying to go underground so to say because if any admin/staff got wind that we clients were going aunmass to something after class they’d just happen along and just so happen to sit within earshot of wherever it was we were sitting. Effing lame.

Well tried to keep this on the down low so maybe we could allowed to think and share our thoughts openly. I wanted people to say what they liked about the program and what needed changing. It wasn’t all back. If people didn’t want to take part that was cool everyone should be respected for his or her thoughts and feelings etc.

Well so there I was kicked out. After I got home I got a few Emails from some of my instructors to say what had happened with me was effed up and that they were more or less bullied into going along with ejecting me from the program. Well fuck that. Sorry but yeah. What the eff ever…

Also the sighted employees got stuff like keys to the building but when blind teachers wanted to use the training center after hours they had to have a sighted person open the doors for them as they did not get keys.

What an offing joke! Anyway this has brought me back round to my point, and I do have one…

Back in high school my V.R. worker was who the director over the whole RCB in 2002. Get it? Hope so.

She was very huh. Closed minded on a lot of things. Her way or the high way more or less. And this would be the first time but not the last I’d catch her in an out right lie just because she didn’t like the employment I was wanting to try.

I said simply I wanted to work with and train service, not guide, dogs and their handlers… She just went off on that saying it wasn’t realistic, doesn’t make a lot of money, no blind people are doing it. blah blah ba blah. Whatever.

Then she picked up her phone, she knew I could see but not how well I guess. And talked on it and then hung up and said she had called the nearest service dog provider, KSDS in Washington Ks and they had told her that blind people can’t train service animals.

Picture my shock when I went to visit the training HQ in person. I asked all about training service animals an they said it could be done and denied ever speacking to that case worker.

Now… Here is where my thoughtscome in. See? I told you. A point. I have one?

Was thinking back to all that and realized something. Rather than taking control of my life and future and doing what would make me happy, not rich but happy I just rolled over and let other people say what I can do. Well eff that man. If I haven’t learned anything else from this whole stupid befogged mess that has gone on from March it is that I can do whatever the hell I want and if people don’t like it then screw them. They ain’t shit. They’s always gonna be some one doubting you, SRS at first, some stupid narrow-minded v.r. person, partner who never was supportive of much. And if you let those stupid P.O.S. people tell you do this don’t do that you’ll just stay stuck and unhappy and life will pass you right by.

There is no reason a dream can’t be realized. It might seem impossible but I truly think anything one wants can be done… Unless you’re blind and want to do brain operations, though who knows? Those days may be upon us sooner than we think

When the kids got taken away, one of the first things I was told is that in cases such as mine the children would be in foster care for at minim of a month and that cases like these don’t get resolved for a year or longer…

I thought to myself “Fuck that! Just uh whatever. a year or more my eye.”

I made a resolve right there and then sitting on the easychair of my friend, just hours after the rade, still sobbing and numb. I said. “No matter what I have to do. No matter what I am told, no matter where I have to go, regardless of how much b.s. I may have to put up with. I sware to God in heaven and everything on earth I will have my kids placed back with me by Skye’s 4th Birthday, and will have full custody by Christmas. I’m not letting my babies who have already been through so much languish away in the foster care/srs system.

You know? There are good foster homes out there but more often than not there are hell holes. So the children get taken away for abuse, physical, sex, whatever and placed in foster care where they are ment to be safe but I’ve heard stories about foster homes being just as bad if not worse than whatever home life the children had been removed from.

Despite the fact the investigator lady frightened the crap out of me I told myself SRS is not the enemy yet. Just stay cool. You have nothing to hide at all. You know you’re right and God knows it too and truth will win out over lies.

I busted my ass first by requesting that the kids get services, cought up on their health needs, shots etc. That they both have counseling and an education/develpomental work up.

I already suspected Benji was behind where he should be, especially in the communicating of things. so even before the workup was done I had already looked into services down here who might be able to help. I found parenting classes online and contacted the instructor to see what exactly I needed to do to get in. I found therps both up in KCK and here. I looked at possible housing options incase I was not allowed to live in the same home as my kids. I looked into what services for me, home helper, etc I could find. I talked to my friends and family daily and they started looking at things I might need when I came home.

I was in contact with the children’s caseworker many times a week if not daily. I kept her in the loop and was always asking what can I do to help you help my kids. About three weeks into this whole mess I had already joined a support group for mothers who’s’ kids had been taken into care. Started parenting classes and a lot of other stuff. My lawyer and the kids lawyer and the kids caseworker all said that I got more done in the first three weeks of this thing than a lot of people do in six months.

Everybody ha just been super impressed with my aggressiveness in fighting for my kids. Even the judge who didn’t seem like the complementing kind.

I don’t think it is all that super impressive. It’s just the right thing to do. I’ve said this time and time again, when you have kids, you give your life for those kids. To do anything less is just not even thinkable to my way of thinking.

Those are my kids and whilst we might have to use medical card, foodstamps and… ther such services, it is up to me to provide for them. I hope in time I’ll be able to reduce the amount of public support me and my kids need Which brings me back round to what I started out to say…

If I want to end up someday working for GDB I have to make it happen. I have to find out several things, what jobs are open, what must you do in the job etc. hen I guess whatever I find out I’ll start addressing here. I have to figure transport and living. Surely GDB pays enough to their emploies because they all live right there in San Rafael o suburbs or watt ever. We stilll may need social services and all so that must be checked out as well. I am not moving any time soon but sooner or later I think that’s where I’d like to be. San Fran is my favoritee place in the world and GDB every time I go there makes me feel worthy. I’m doing things I enjoy and am quite good at. I like to learn and be shown how to do things. All I want is a chance. So long term I have to break things down from point a to z and go at it systematically because I really do think it can be done and there isn’t a reason in the world why I can’t try. I’m going to be quite honest with V.R. this time and insist that my thoughts be taken as light. I’ll work with them like I’ve This started the night prior to my intake interview with Voc. Rehab servicesI thought back on my previous dealings with them. More to the point when I was first a client of VR whilst still in high school.

At that time I didn't have the balls or self respect or anything to tell them what I wanted for myself in my life.

I had a horrid caseworker. Just Gawd awful. So scandeless I mean really you'd hardly could believe she was real. She was, I guess still is... When I went to RCB in 2002 she was the overseer of the whole shootin match up there Topeka way. That did not go well because she, if I remember correctly, tried running things *HER* way and that wasn't working. I'm not fresh on the details any longer but can look them up as they are all on line.

That whole effing place was just screwed up. When they lied to me at my last stafing, saying how well I was doing etc and how everyone wanted to see me back, that was an effing lie! The head ass hats had already placed a call and my dad was on his way up to get me. I was the subject of the morning staffing. Not even 72 hours prior I was made to sign a behavior contract. They didn't even give me a feckin chance and fecken lied their collective asses off saying I had not followed through with my agreement with GDB to phone in weekly and update AGS on how Fleming was doing. I had been faithfully. Started out going in on Mondays and phoneing from the office, but AGS person and I felt like things were going so well that I could just phone in any time I wanted. So I did. IDK if AGS still has it all on record but I held up my end of the bargon and GDB knows this. Anyway. That last full day I was there I had a staffing. This is where all the instructors get together and all but a honest few blow sunshine up VR's and my asses. Said stuff like I'm doing really good. I should come back and pear teach blah blah blah.

That next morning they were late coming in for morning cell check. oops! I mean morning meeting, my bad. Those bastards! Waited until all my friends that went to college were gone and everyone else was in the classes at the center. Fucking rat bastards! Big Eva, Frau stupidhead's right hand SS officer, oops I mean the director of studetnt services and the counsler... Called me in. They told me I was being kicked out because I made some people uncomfortible with my outspoken ideas on how, this being a client centered program and all, how the clients should come together and demand change. Demand to be treated like people who just can't see for crap. to speak out on stupid as eff rules. No cooking in the apartments when just a few months ago it was not only allowed but encouraged. Demeaning childish rules. Bed time at nine male and female clients forbiden to sit on the borch of residentual apartment block... Never mind the effing R.A.'s office was in clear view. What did they think we would do? Shoot up smack and have wild sex orgies or something? Or maybe we'd start off scrfycing small anamials and progress to vergens? F I don't know. Really I don't.

They treated us like we were stupid. Let me tell you... I could tell you so many things it would make your head spin. Well mid summer these grown ass ladies came in. They weren't allowed past the porch directly in front of the R.A.'s office and were housed there. They couldn't step out the door wthout an R.A. There was another client who would self harm and it was documented that they needed to be under supervision at all times. Did this happen? Hell no. Not only was she unsupervised she and another girl were moved to another apartment block a ways off and not in view of the R.A. office. This person ended up having to go into the mental hospital because of self harming again. Friggen RCB is lucky that client didn't die. If I were the client's family I'd of taken that bunch of crooks to the cleaners. Eff that man!… That isn’t even scratching the surface.

All I wanted to do, really is bring the clients together who had been expressing feelings about the treatment, rules blah blah blah and unite as a voice for change. Nobody wanted to bring any of this up on the day we had client council, biggest offing joke in the world, meetings because we’d all be poo pooed or talked back down or anything to get us to shut up.

OOO! If something like canned juice was out in the lunch room freezer we had to write an offing proposal to buy more!

One day we were held back because the staff had said too many people were tossing their lunch out uneaten. Who the eff! digs through the garbage to see if stuff is being eaten or not? That might explain why that place was such a befogged mentally effed up place Don’t have time to watch over documented self harmer because too damned busy digging in the offing trash to see what they could see.
There was the can crusher thing. They demanded we crush all of our soda cans in this scary as fuck could takee your arm off if you weren’t mindful crusher thing. No one did it. Maybe if the money gleamed from the collection of cans was used to… O IDK make the client life better we would but this was just making money for the center, probily putting dollars in rich cat’s pockets. That buew shit man I mean fo sure.

Not everyone who worked there was bad. The teachers that seemed to be the most human and understanding, with the acceptation of the first student counser who was sighted but losing vision. She was made of awesome. When they got far stupid head in there though everything went to crap. Come to think of it y’know? The overseer of the asylum, er uh. I mean rehab center and the counser who effed everything up were both case managers of my V.R. case. Any wonder I have a dislike for supposed to be authority figures? Anyway. So there I was getting kicked out. Oh! wait let me explain that we were trying to go underground so to say because if any admin/staff got wind that we clients were going aunmass to something after class they’d just happen along and just so happen to sit within earshot of wherever it was we were sitting. Effing lame.

Well tried to keep this on the down low so maybe we could allowed to think and share our thoughts openly. I wanted people to say what they liked about the program and what needed changing. It wasn’t all back. If people didn’t want to take part that was cool everyone should be respected for his or her thoughts and feelings etc.

Well so there I was kicked out. After I got home I got a few Emails from some of my instructors to say what had happened with me was effed up and that they were more or less bullied into going along with ejecting me from the program. Well fuck that. Sorry but yeah. What the eff ever…

Also the sighted employees got stuff like keys to the building but when blind teachers wanted to use the training center after hours they had to have a sighted person open the doors for them as they did not get keys.

What an offing joke! Anyway this has brought me back round to my point, and I do have one…

Back in high school my V.R. worker was who the director over the whole RCB in 2002. Get it? Hope so.

She was very huh. Closed minded on a lot of things. Her way or the high way more or less. And this would be the first time but not the last I’d catch her in an out right lie just because she didn’t like the employment I was wanting to try.

I said simply I wanted to work with and train service, not guide, dogs and their handlers… She just went off on that saying it wasn’t realistic, doesn’t make a lot of money, no blind people are doing it. blah blah ba blah. Whatever.

Then she picked up her phone, she knew I could see but not how well I guess. And talked on it and then hung up and said she had called the nearest service dog provider, KSDS in Washington Ks and they had told her that blind people can’t train service animals.

Picture my shock when I went to visit the training HQ in person. I asked all about training service animals an they said it could be done and denied ever speacking to that case worker.

Now… Here is where my thoughtscome in. See? I told you. A point. I have one?

Was thinking back to all that and realized something. Rather than taking control of my life and future and doing what would make me happy, not rich but happy I just rolled over and let other people say what I can do. Well eff that man. If I haven’t learned anything else from this whole stupid befogged mess that has gone on from March it is that I can do whatever the hell I want and if people don’t like it then screw them. They ain’t shit. They’s always gonna be some one doubting you, SRS at first, some stupid narrow-minded v.r. person, partner who never was supportive of much. And if you let those stupid P.O.S. people tell you do this don’t do that you’ll just stay stuck and unhappy and life will pass you right by.

There is no reason a dream can’t be realized. It might seem impossible but I truly think anything one wants can be done… Unless you’re blind and want to do brain operations, though who knows? Those days may be upon us sooner than we think

When the kids got taken away, one of the first things I was told is that in cases such as mine the children would be in foster care for at minim of a month and that cases like these don’t get resolved for a year or longer…

I thought to myself “Fuck that! Just uh whatever. a year or more my eye.”

I made a resolve right there and then sitting on the easychair of my friend, just hours after the rade, still sobbing and numb. I said. “No matter what I have to do. No matter what I am told, no matter where I have to go, regardless of how much b.s. I may have to put up with. I sware to God in heaven and everything on earth I will have my kids placed back with me by Skye’s 4th Birthday, and will have full custody by Christmas. I’m not letting my babies who have already been through so much languish away in the foster care/srs system.

You know? There are good foster homes out there but more often than not there are hell holes. So the children get taken away for abuse, physical, sex, whatever and placed in foster care where they are ment to be safe but I’ve heard stories about foster homes being just as bad if not worse than whatever home life the children had been removed from.

Despite the fact the investigator lady frightened the crap out of me I told myself SRS is not the enemy yet. Just stay cool. You have nothing to hide at all. You know you’re right and God knows it too and truth will win out over lies.

I busted my ass first by requesting that the kids get services, cought up on their health needs, shots etc. That they both have counseling and an education/develpomental work up.

I already suspected Benji was behind where he should be, especially in the communicating of things. so even before the workup was done I had already looked into services down here who might be able to help. I found parenting classes online and contacted the instructor to see what exactly I needed to do to get in. I found therps both up in KCK and here. I looked at possible housing options incase I was not allowed to live in the same home as my kids. I looked into what services for me, home helper, etc I could find. I talked to my friends and family daily and they started looking at things I might need when I came home.

I was in contact with the children’s caseworker many times a week if not daily. I kept her in the loop and was always asking what can I do to help you help my kids. About three weeks into this whole mess I had already joined a support group for mothers who’s’ kids had been taken into care. Started parenting classes and a lot of other stuff. My lawyer and the kids lawyer and the kids caseworker all said that I got more done in the first three weeks of this thing than a lot of people do in six months.

Everybody ha just been super impressed with my aggressiveness in fighting for my kids. Even the judge who didn’t seem like the complementing kind.

I don’t think it is all that super impressive. It’s just the right thing to do. I’ve said this time and time again, when you have kids, you give your life for those kids. To do anything less is just not even thinkable to my way of thinking.

Those are my kids and whilst we might have to use medical card, foodstamps and… ther such services, it is up to me to provide for them. I hope in time I’ll be able to reduce the amount of public support me and my kids need Which brings me back round to what I started out to say…

If I want to end up someday working for GDB I have to make it happen. I have to find out several things, what jobs are open, what must you do in the job etc. hen I guess whatever I find out I’ll start addressing here. I have to figure transport and living. Surely GDB pays enough to their emploies because they all live right there in San Rafael o suburbs or watt ever. We stilll may need social services and all so that must be checked out as well. I am not moving any time soon but sooner or later I think that’s where I’d like to be. San Fran is my favoritee place in the world and GDB every time I go there makes me feel worthy. I’m doing things I enjoy and am quite good at. I like to learn and be shown how to do things. All I want is a chance. So long term I have to break things down from point a to z and go at it systematically because I really do think it can be done and there isn’t a reason in the world why I can’t try. I’m going to be quite honest with V.R. this time and insist that my thoughts be taken as light. I’ll work with them like I’ve This started the night prior to my intake interview with Voc. Rehab servicesI thought back on my previous dealings with them. More to the point when I was first a client of VR whilst still in high school.

At that time I didn't have the balls or self respect or anything to tell them what I wanted for myself in my life.

I had a horrid caseworker. Just Gawd awful. So scandeless I mean really you'd hardly could believe she was real. She was, I guess still is... When I went to RCB in 2002 she was the overseer of the whole shootin match up there Topeka way. That did not go well because she, if I remember correctly, tried running things *HER* way and that wasn't working. I'm not fresh on the details any longer but can look them up as they are all on line.

That whole effing place was just screwed up. When they lied to me at my last stafing, saying how well I was doing etc and how everyone wanted to see me back, that was an effing lie! The head ass hats had already placed a call and my dad was on his way up to get me. I was the subject of the morning staffing. Not even 72 hours prior I was made to sign a behavior contract. They didn't even give me a feckin chance and fecken lied their collective asses off saying I had not followed through with my agreement with GDB to phone in weekly and update AGS on how Fleming was doing. I had been faithfully. Started out going in on Mondays and phoneing from the office, but AGS person and I felt like things were going so well that I could just phone in any time I wanted. So I did. IDK if AGS still has it all on record but I held up my end of the bargon and GDB knows this. Anyway. That last full day I was there I had a staffing. This is where all the instructors get together and all but a honest few blow sunshine up VR's and my asses. Said stuff like I'm doing really good. I should come back and pear teach blah blah blah.

That next morning they were late coming in for morning cell check. oops! I mean morning meeting, my bad. Those bastards! Waited until all my friends that went to college were gone and everyone else was in the classes at the center. Fucking rat bastards! Big Eva, Frau stupidhead's right hand SS officer, oops I mean the director of studetnt services and the counsler... Called me in. They told me I was being kicked out because I made some people uncomfortible with my outspoken ideas on how, this being a client centered program and all, how the clients should come together and demand change. Demand to be treated like people who just can't see for crap. to speak out on stupid as eff rules. No cooking in the apartments when just a few months ago it was not only allowed but encouraged. Demeaning childish rules. Bed time at nine male and female clients forbiden to sit on the borch of residentual apartment block... Never mind the effing R.A.'s office was in clear view. What did they think we would do? Shoot up smack and have wild sex orgies or something? Or maybe we'd start off scrfycing small anamials and progress to vergens? F I don't know. Really I don't.

They treated us like we were stupid. Let me tell you... I could tell you so many things it would make your head spin. Well mid summer these grown ass ladies came in. They weren't allowed past the porch directly in front of the R.A.'s office and were housed there. They couldn't step out the door wthout an R.A. There was another client who would self harm and it was documented that they needed to be under supervision at all times. Did this happen? Hell no. Not only was she unsupervised she and another girl were moved to another apartment block a ways off and not in view of the R.A. office. This person ended up having to go into the mental hospital because of self harming again. Friggen RCB is lucky that client didn't die. If I were the client's family I'd of taken that bunch of crooks to the cleaners. Eff that man!… That isn’t even scratching the surface.

All I wanted to do, really is bring the clients together who had been expressing feelings about the treatment, rules blah blah blah and unite as a voice for change. Nobody wanted to bring any of this up on the day we had client council, biggest offing joke in the world, meetings because we’d all be poo pooed or talked back down or anything to get us to shut up.

OOO! If something like canned juice was out in the lunch room freezer we had to write an offing proposal to buy more!

One day we were held back because the staff had said too many people were tossing their lunch out uneaten. Who the eff! digs through the garbage to see if stuff is being eaten or not? That might explain why that place was such a befogged mentally effed up place Don’t have time to watch over documented self harmer because too damned busy digging in the offing trash to see what they could see.
There was the can crusher thing. They demanded we crush all of our soda cans in this scary as fuck could takee your arm off if you weren’t mindful crusher thing. No one did it. Maybe if the money gleamed from the collection of cans was used to… O IDK make the client life better we would but this was just making money for the center, probily putting dollars in rich cat’s pockets. That buew shit man I mean fo sure.

Not everyone who worked there was bad. The teachers that seemed to be the most human and understanding, with the acceptation of the first student counser who was sighted but losing vision. She was made of awesome. When they got far stupid head in there though everything went to crap. Come to think of it y’know? The overseer of the asylum, er uh. I mean rehab center and the counser who effed everything up were both case managers of my V.R. case. Any wonder I have a dislike for supposed to be authority figures? Anyway. So there I was getting kicked out. Oh! wait let me explain that we were trying to go underground so to say because if any admin/staff got wind that we clients were going aunmass to something after class they’d just happen along and just so happen to sit within earshot of wherever it was we were sitting. Effing lame.

Well tried to keep this on the down low so maybe we could allowed to think and share our thoughts openly. I wanted people to say what they liked about the program and what needed changing. It wasn’t all back. If people didn’t want to take part that was cool everyone should be respected for his or her thoughts and feelings etc.

Well so there I was kicked out. After I got home I got a few Emails from some of my instructors to say what had happened with me was effed up and that they were more or less bullied into going along with ejecting me from the program. Well fuck that. Sorry but yeah. What the eff ever…

Also the sighted employees got stuff like keys to the building but when blind teachers wanted to use the training center after hours they had to have a sighted person open the doors for them as they did not get keys.

What an offing joke! Anyway this has brought me back round to my point, and I do have one…

Back in high school my V.R. worker was who the director over the whole RCB in 2002. Get it? Hope so.

She was very huh. Closed minded on a lot of things. Her way or the high way more or less. And this would be the first time but not the last I’d catch her in an out right lie just because she didn’t like the employment I was wanting to try.

I said simply I wanted to work with and train service, not guide, dogs and their handlers… She just went off on that saying it wasn’t realistic, doesn’t make a lot of money, no blind people are doing it. blah blah ba blah. Whatever.

Then she picked up her phone, she knew I could see but not how well I guess. And talked on it and then hung up and said she had called the nearest service dog provider, KSDS in Washington Ks and they had told her that blind people can’t train service animals.

Picture my shock when I went to visit the training HQ in person. I asked all about training service animals an they said it could be done and denied ever speacking to that case worker.

Now… Here is where my thoughtscome in. See? I told you. A point. I have one?

Was thinking back to all that and realized something. Rather than taking control of my life and future and doing what would make me happy, not rich but happy I just rolled over and let other people say what I can do. Well eff that man. If I haven’t learned anything else from this whole stupid befogged mess that has gone on from March it is that I can do whatever the hell I want and if people don’t like it then screw them. They ain’t shit. They’s always gonna be some one doubting you, SRS at first, some stupid narrow-minded v.r. person, partner who never was supportive of much. And if you let those stupid P.O.S. people tell you do this don’t do that you’ll just stay stuck and unhappy and life will pass you right by.

There is no reason a dream can’t be realized. It might seem impossible but I truly think anything one wants can be done… Unless you’re blind and want to do brain operations, though who knows? Those days may be upon us sooner than we think

When the kids got taken away, one of the first things I was told is that in cases such as mine the children would be in foster care for at minim of a month and that cases like these don’t get resolved for a year or longer…

I thought to myself “Fuck that! Just uh whatever. a year or more my eye.”

I made a resolve right there and then sitting on the easychair of my friend, just hours after the rade, still sobbing and numb. I said. “No matter what I have to do. No matter what I am told, no matter where I have to go, regardless of how much b.s. I may have to put up with. I sware to God in heaven and everything on earth I will have my kids placed back with me by Skye’s 4th Birthday, and will have full custody by Christmas. I’m not letting my babies who have already been through so much languish away in the foster care/srs system.

You know? There are good foster homes out there but more often than not there are hell holes. So the children get taken away for abuse, physical, sex, whatever and placed in foster care where they are ment to be safe but I’ve heard stories about foster homes being just as bad if not worse than whatever home life the children had been removed from.

Despite the fact the investigator lady frightened the crap out of me I told myself SRS is not the enemy yet. Just stay cool. You have nothing to hide at all. You know you’re right and God knows it too and truth will win out over lies.

I busted my ass first by requesting that the kids get services, cought up on their health needs, shots etc. That they both have counseling and an education/develpomental work up.

I already suspected Benji was behind where he should be, especially in the communicating of things. so even before the workup was done I had already looked into services down here who might be able to help. I found parenting classes online and contacted the instructor to see what exactly I needed to do to get in. I found therps both up in KCK and here. I looked at possible housing options incase I was not allowed to live in the same home as my kids. I looked into what services for me, home helper, etc I could find. I talked to my friends and family daily and they started looking at things I might need when I came home.

I was in contact with the children’s caseworker many times a week if not daily. I kept her in the loop and was always asking what can I do to help you help my kids. About three weeks into this whole mess I had already joined a support group for mothers who’s’ kids had been taken into care. Started parenting classes and a lot of other stuff. My lawyer and the kids lawyer and the kids caseworker all said that I got more done in the first three weeks of this thing than a lot of people do in six months.

Everybody ha just been super impressed with my aggressiveness in fighting for my kids. Even the judge who didn’t seem like the complementing kind.

I don’t think it is all that super impressive. It’s just the right thing to do. I’ve said this time and time again, when you have kids, you give your life for those kids. To do anything less is just not even thinkable to my way of thinking.

Those are my kids and whilst we might have to use medical card, foodstamps and… ther such services, it is up to me to provide for them. I hope in time I’ll be able to reduce the amount of public support me and my kids need Which brings me back round to what I started out to say…

If I want to end up someday working for GDB I have to make it happen. I have to find out several things, what jobs are open, what must you do in the job etc. hen I guess whatever I find out I’ll start addressing here. I have to figure transport and living. Surely GDB pays enough to their emploies because they all live right there in San Rafael o suburbs or watt ever. We stilll may need social services and all so that must be checked out as well. I am not moving any time soon but sooner or later I think that’s where I’d like to be. San Fran is my favoritee place in the world and GDB every time I go there makes me feel worthy. I’m doing things I enjoy and am quite good at. I like to learn and be shown how to do things. All I want is a chance. So long term I have to break things down from point a to z and go at it systematically because I really do think it can be done and there isn’t a reason in the world why I can’t try. I’m going to be quite honest with V.R. this time and insist that my thoughts be taken as light. I’ll work with them like I’ve done thus far with SRS,KVC After Care and mental health professionals. There must be a way to get your dreams, what that way is right now for me remains to be seeen, but just like I foght agressively for my kids, I don't see why I can't be as agressive and driven to reach other things that seem/ed out of reach.

Reader's note:
Earlier this year the RCB residentual rehab facility for adult blind. Was shut down, ass services are now community/home based. deinstutionalization at it's finest. Why community based programs wern't done sooner, Alderman V. Pennhurst state school and hospital, 1974 and the Willowbrook schoolscandle which paived the road for disabled and mentally delaied persons to join in the cumunity, living on their own or in group homes, not hidden away in a falling down rotting broke down over crowded ward, kept in cribs, tied to bed rails tied to wheelchairs, made to live in their own filth for lack of staff to change them. Places like Pennhurst wearhouse the nation's burden for lack of a better word. out of sight out of mind... Thank God times have changed. About damned time RCB went the way os the state schools/hospitals, not like state school for deaf or blind... just well Pennhurst and schools like that Over crowded, understaffed, rundown asylums. Thought those were a old old old term? Nope. Asylum lives on, but for how much longer I can not say.

Best thing one can do if wanting/needing skills training it is to train in the place where you live, some guide dog schools do programs like that and GDB will, but it is on a case by case thing. Personally Guide dog school is my favorite blinky place to go. They, unlike RCB, treats you like normal. They don't talk down to you or asusume anything about you That place is just made of awesome. Well need to go to bed... GN blogland TTYL TTFN

1 comment:

  1. Wow what a mess. And go get 'em. Maybe you can work as a canine welfare tech or a resident assistant.

    Ya might wanna go over this post. You have like 3 repetitions of one block of text.

    ReplyDelete

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